


Is It Too Late (To Apologize)

by Angst_BuriTTo



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Chloe Decker, Chloe Decker Finds Out, Drug Abuse, Emotional Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Good Friend Dan Espinoza, Lucifer Feels, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Devil Reveal, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Gets a Hug, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Whump, POV Chloe, Post-Episode: s03e24 A Devil of My Word, Pre-Relationship, Protective Chloe Decker, Protective Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Smart Trixie Decker, Soft Chloe Decker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 03:42:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21190976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angst_BuriTTo/pseuds/Angst_BuriTTo
Summary: It takes a whole month and an innocent question from her daughter before she figures out how badly she's messed up."Did you say sorry?"





	Is It Too Late (To Apologize)

* * *

Chloe went through work in a daze, the weeks following the shootout at the loft. She expected there to be a big investigation into the whole mess; The shooting and killing of a lieutenant who was, on paper, well-liked and well-respected, usually would have had everyone up in arms for a witch hunt. But whatever mob that had begun had been extinguished just as fast when Pierce’s – Cain’s – criminal empire had been uncovered, thanks to Charlotte.

  
People had been shocked and furious that Pierce had flew under their radar for so long. She heard that the FBI and the CIA were working together to unravel the Sinnerman’s whole network.

  
She had seen a lot of cops been dragged out in cuffs in the past few weeks, some of whom she had known for years, had trusted. It was jarring, and horrifying. She felt herself flinch every-time she saw a cop that at one point in her career, she had trusted to watch her daughter for even just a few minutes, seconds, even interact with her.

  
But nothing compared to the shock of finding out her Partner and best friend of three years was the Actual Devil.

  
All else paled in the face of the fact that Lucifer had never been a delusional man who thought he was the Devil. Finding out that Lucifer was the Real Deal, Satan himself, was more then a little terrifying.

  
She wasn’t terrified of Lucifer, of course not; what she was terrified of, was the fact that Heaven and Hell were real, and she and her daughter and friends were caught right in the middle of it. Looking back, she remembers more than a few instances where it was now obvious that Lucifer’s family drama had made its way into Chloe’s life and job.

  
She still blue-screened on the fact that Charlotte Richards had been possessed by the literal Goddess of all creation, and Lucifer’s father was, in fact, God.

  
It was almost a month after she was shown the Truth, when she was tucking Trixie into bed, when her daughter brought up exactly what she had dreading her to bring up ever since she last saw Lucifer.

“Mommy, when are we going to see Lucifer again?” Trixie asked, looking up at her through wide brown eyes. She didn’t know where Trixie got her eyes from; Chloe had grey-blue eyes, and Dan had a bright blue that had been part of the reason she had been attracted to him in the first place. Nobody on her side of the family had brown eyes, and Dan swore both his parents had blue eyes as well.

  
Her eyes reminded her of Lucifer’s.

  
“I...honey, there’s some complicated things going on right now, between Lucifer and I, and,”

“Did you say sorry?” Trixie interrupted her, and Chloe was brought up short, her reprimand for interrupting her stuck in her throat.

“I - what?” Chloe asked, wondering what her daughter was talking about.

  
“Lucifer never disappears unless he’s sad about something, or afraid, and Lucifer is only afraid of upsetting you, and you make him vun-rub-al. So you are the only one that can hurt him.”

  
Her daughter succinct words and innocent tone pierced Chloe right in the heart. Everything she said was completely true, and she felt her breath catch as the realization of how much Lucifer must be hurting right now. She had left him alone, while trying to come to terms with everything, not even giving a thought to how much Lucifer must be hurting, himself, and that he was probably hating himself even more right now.

_“Oh they grew back, but I cut them off again. They keep growing back, it’s like bloody whack-a-mole back there.”_

  
Oh, crap.

“I’ll be sure to say sorry as soon as I can, ok Monkey? Now it’s bedtime, time to go to bed.”

After a phone call, one more story, and half an hour later, Chloe was driving towards Lux, Dan staying in her house watching Trixie while she went and confronted the person she had unintentionally been avoiding, and hurting, for almost a month now.

  
Pulling up in front of Lux, Chloe took a deep breath before she exited her car and entered the club.

  
It was practically deserted, only Patrick the bartender and a few other staff roaming around. She felt their stares as she pressed the button to call the elevator up to the penthouse. She tried to ignore the burn of there judging stares, and what exactly those glares meant.

  
The ride up felt like it was dragging on forever, and she cursed herself over and over for being so self-absorbed that she didn’t think about how all this would affect Lucifer. How much he would be suffering after she practically recoiled from seeing his scars, his true hurt.

  
The ding of the elevator door made her take a deep breath, steeling herself before entering the penthouse, only to come up shot when she registered the state of the place.

  
Empty bottles of multiple sizes and brands lay scattered on practically every surface, even on the floor. Needles, small bags, and powders of questionable contents dotted everywhere, and the smell of weed and cigarettes permeated the air.

  
Lamps were knocked over, chairs broken and thrown, and vases shattered. Glass littered the floor below the Sumerian wall, no doubt glasses that were thrown and shattered on impact.

“Shit,” she cursed to herself, before raising her voice, “Lucifer!”

Walking further into Lucifer’s home, she ignored the crunching and the tinkling that met her every few feet where she stepped.

  
“Lucifer?” She called, listening intently for any noise that would lead her towards her Devil.

  
A small moan faintly reached her ears, and she quickly sped towards the sound, entering Lucifer’s bedroom after moving a broken chair off the steps. Grimacing as her boot landed in something sticky, she looked towards the bed, breathing in a sharp gasp of breath as she finally laid eyes on the state of her partner.

  
Lucifer looked like, well, Hell. His hair was longer than usual, his normal straightened, product filled hair gone wild with curls, a lot of them tangled and his hair greasy. His skin - and there was a lot of it, since it looked like he was completely nude beneath the sheet that barely covered his lap - was pale and sweaty. His eyes were open but glazed, and the bags under them put the ones she had for the first year of Trixie’s life to shame. His breathing was short and shallow, and there was a intermittent shudder that ran through his body.

  
“Crap, oh my G-Jes-shit, Lucifer!” Rushing towards the bed, she kneeled on the edge, hands hovering over the pale man’s prone form. “Lucifer what happened - no, what did you take?”

  
Those glazed brown eyes looked towards her, but something in them told them he didn’t recognize that it was actually her at his side.

  
“Th’ question is,” he slurred, “what didn’t I take? Which is...not much. I thi’k i empt’ed m’ stash,” he giggled, the sound making goosebumps rise on Chloe’s arms. “I’ll need ta’ buy som’more, ‘ince th’ ‘tective is’nt ‘round ta’ scold me,” he suddenly whimpered, eyes becoming wet. “She hates me now; cuz’ imma’ m’nster, and she knows tha’ now. S’why she won’ talk ta’ me any’ore...”

  
“Oh, Lucifer,” Chloe breathed; what had she done?

  
Lucifer was supposed to be the strong one, the resilient one - but was he really?

  
Lucifer put on a good front, playing the confident rich playboy club owner who never took an insult towards him personally. But that wasn’t really true, was it? Lucifer did take things personally. He took all of humanities blame towards himself, towards the Devil, and shouldered it on those broad and strong, but oh so fragile, shoulders.

  
But anyone could break, with the right trigger; and hadn’t Chloe known, deep down, that she was Lucifer’s trigger? So many times he had snapped and lashed out in anger at a suspect or even a friend in defence of her. She knew, despite trying to deny it, that he very much valued her opinion of him, and would do almost anything to make her happy.

  
“Is this real?” He had asked her, and she had told him it was - and then she abandoned him, like he hadn’t spent three years proving himself to her in a myriad of ways.

  
She had to fix this.

  
“I’m gonna take care of you, ok, Lucifer? Just hang in there.”

  
It took a almost and hour, cleaning him up with a damp cloth, doing what she could with his hair, giving him a sponge bath that any nurse would be proud of, even if she struggled to hold in her blush and hold onto a clinical demeanour as she washed his bits, but she did it just the same. He would do the same for her, she reminded herself; and despite his flirting she was completely certain that he wouldn’t dare to stray and would remain clinical himself if such a situation would arise.

  
He hadn’t even acknowledged her, mumbling to himself before passing out by the time she finished his hair, leaving her frustrated that she wouldn’t be able to do the sheets, since she definitely couldn’t move him herself.

  
Deciding to leave that part for last, she began to pick her way around the penthouse, before heading to the kitchen and looking under the sink for black plastic garbage bags. Finding more then a few of the boxes of black, extra stretchy and scented ones, more then would be needed in the typical household, she tried not to think about why he would need so many, before failing and blushing heavily, her face heating up.

  
She shook it off, and grabbed a box, and went to work.

  
She picked her way through the apartment slowly, depositing every empty bottle and discarded wrappers, baggies and foils in the bags, the pile of bags piling up by the elevator as she went on, keeping an ear out for Lucifer in case something went wrong.

Lucifer said she made him vulnerable, that first year, not long after they met; she had a feeling, knowing what she knew now, that he meant more than just emotionally. So she wouldn’t doubt that with her presence, he might be able to overdose, or choke on his own vomit when he woke up to the inevitable hangover and withdrawal.

  
By the time the sun began to rise, she was halfway through a second box of black bags, and had began to triple bag as she discarded of the needles and sharper objects, like the broken glass.

  
The sun was risen for at least two hours by the time she dropped the last bulging bag at the entrance, full of wipes and paper towels and destroyed towels that would never get the scent of alcohol and other substances from them.

Collapsing on the couch, she let out a heavy sigh that sounded more like a sob, rubbing her face roughly as tears threatened, pricking in her eyes.

  
She jumped at the sound of her phone ringing from her pocket, shooting a glance towards Lucifer’s room before answering it, hoping the sound didn’t wake him up. But then, if the racket she made while cleaning didn’t wake him, her phone certainly wouldn’t. She had had to check more than a couple of times to check if the man was still breathing, and alive; he hadn’t evened twitched since he passed out late last night - or was that early this morning?

  
Pulling herself out of her thoughts, she answered her phone, cursing internally as she noticed it was Dan calling.

“Decker,” She answered with her usual way of answering her phone, even when she knew who was on the other end.

  
“Chloe,” came Dan’s relieved voice, and she felt a frisson of guilt when she remembered she hadn’t even told Dan where she was going, or why. Only that it was an emergency and she needed him watching Trixie overnight, ASAP. “Thank God, where the Hell are you? I thought you would be back by now, Trixie says she knows where you are but she won’t say a thing, I offered her cake and she just told me that ‘this is more important than cake’; What the Hell is going on?”

  
Chloe felt the absolutely inappropriate urge to reply “Hell is exactly what’s going on, Daniel.” Before ruthlessly shoving it down and locking it away in a steel box.

  
Letting out a deep breath, she prepared herself before replying in a steady voice, or as much of one as she could make at the present moment.

  
“I’m at Lucifer’s. He... he really needed my help.” She tensed, waiting for her Ex’s anger at her dropping Trixie on him to see the man who Dan was constantly hot and cold in his friendship with.

  
“...how bad?” Came Dan’s calm reply, instead of the anger she expected.

  
Taking a moment to be surprised, she answered; “I spent almost an hour giving him a sponge bath while he was in a semi-conscious drug and alcohol induced haze, and then he passed out, and I’ve just finished almost eight - no, ten hours of cleaning out enough empty bottles of alcohol and drug paraphernalia, all empty, that would probably be worth enough to buy me a mansion on Hollywood Hills, with cash.” Chloe let out a chocked laugh, no humour in the sound. “So I’d say it’s pretty bad, Dan.”

  
She heard Dan’s shocked exhalation on the other end, a sharp burst of static that barely registered. “Fuck,” Dan cursed, “How is still alive? How is he not at a hospital right now?”

  
Chloe had to remind herself that Dan wasn’t aware that Lucifer wasn’t human, and therefore things (such as drinking a liquor store and an entire small drug rings worth of drugs) that would kill a human would only inconvenience him.

  
“I honestly couldn’t tell you,” Chloe sighed; and that was the truth - she couldn’t tell him, because he wouldn’t believe her, not without proof; and despite Dan’s concern right now, she had a feeling it would be tested to breaking in the face of Lucifer’s real face, even his wings. “It’s a miracle he’s still breathing, to be honest.” Again, the truth; Lucifer was an Angel, even a Fallen one - she was sure his immortality and existence was considered some kind of miraculous.

“How long do you think you will be?” Dan’s voice was muffled for a second, something rustling at the other end, before Dan’s voice returned clear. “I’ve got a case file I was gonna ask you to look over, about the Kyle Streager case, but I’ll just ask Ella to help - she’s pretty good at that. You...” Dan cleared his throat, sounding hesitant, “You take care of the big guy, ok? I’m kinda worried about him.”

Chloe’s face twisted in suspicion, eyes narrowing. Why the hell was Dan so concerned? After Charlottes murder, dan seemed to place the blame entirely on Lucifer, no matter how many times Chloe had tried to get him to see it was Peirce’s hand that held the gun, not Lucifer’s. so why the sudden concern?

  
“Why are you so concerned all the sudden about him?” Chloe interrogated, “You were all gung-ho about blaming him for - For Charlotte, and now you’re worried about him?”

  
Dan let outa breath, the static making her wince this time, before admitting;

  
“I’ve been seeing Dr. Martin.”

  
“Linda?” Chloe asked, shocked. Dan would have never seen a therapist or a counsellor in the past, unless he was required to by his job. Chloe had tried to set up marriage counselling, but he had refused, wanting to fix it themselves - and that ended in divorce.

“I know, I know,” Dan groaned, “But Ella dragged me to her and threatened to report me for misconduct in the workplace or something, if i didn’t get my act together and my temper under control. It helped,” He admitted, “It made me realize I’ve been hating on a guy that’s shown us all nothing but kindness for three years, in his own...Lucifer-ish ways. I lashed out at him because it was convenient, and he wouldn’t fight back and... yeah that wasn’t ok, I get that. I was a...” Dan laughed, sounding anything but happy, “I was a douche. I’m trying to fix that. Charlotte would have wanted me to.”

Well that...Chloe felt a burst a pride towards Dan’s willingness to get help; but she still couldn’t help the small bit of resentment that he couldn’t have done the same for her. She shoved it aside, feeling guilty for it, even though she knew she was completely justified in thinking that way.

  
“That’s great Dan, that’s...really good.” She decided on, nodding to herself. “Listen, I have to go, I have furniture to clean up, and I have to call his, his room service or whoever he gets to clean up after him to take all this trash out, and I have to check to make sure he hasn’t keeled over while we’ve been talking. I’ll update you when I can.”

  
“Take care of yourself, too, Chloe,” Dan reminded her, “ not only for yourself, but Lucifer too. He probably feels bad enough, whatever he’s going through; he’ll feel even worse if you’ve made yourself sick cleaning up after him and taking care of him.”

  
“Yeah, I will,” Chloe agreed grudgingly, saying a final goodbye before hanging up, rubbing her face.

  
Putting her phone back in her pocket, she stood back up, and stopped, wondering what to do first - Cleaning service, furniture, or shower?

  
A groan from Lucifer’s room decided for her, and she rushed towards the bedroom, bursting in to see those wide brown eyes, tired, full of pain, but almost completely clear, looking up at her. Clearly he was over the worst of the withdrawal, thank... somebody.

  
“‘Tective,” he rasped, his hand moving up to hold his head, wincing. “Bloody hell, that hurts,” he groaned, clenching his eyes shut.

  
“Yeah, I bet,” She said dryly, before wincing; he didn’t need her judgement right now - he needed her support, and care. “Would Tylenol work on you?” She asked him, voice quiet. She knew his ears would be particularly sensitive to sound right now, his own even more so, given his...abilities. Any loud noise was bound to make his headache even more than it was currently.

  
“Maybe,” he replied, just as quietly, still not looking at her, eyes clenched shut. “Bedside table, second drawer - I keep it for guests.”

  
Not bothering to wonder why he kept Tylenol around for guests, she followed the directions and brought out the bottle, twisting open the ‘childproof’ (what a joke, she had to stop a three year old Trixie from swallowing a bottle full one memorable evening when she got into her cupboards) cap and shaking out two pills, before thinking for a second and adding a third, justifying it to herself that even with her here, he could definitely handle an extra pill - and he would definitely need it.

  
Handing him the pills, and the water she had brought into the room hours before, she watched him pop the pills and swallow them down with a tiny sip, before gulping down the rest of the water before she could tell him to go slow.

“Why are you here, Detective?” Lucifer still wasn’t looking at her, instead choosing to look at his lap, his hands twisting the sheets between them in what looked like to her, a nervous tic.

  
She thought about just saying she was worried about him, that she hadn’t heard from him in awhile and she decided to show up and check if he was alright, but the half-truth soured her mouth.

  
“Trixie asked about you,” She admitted, and now she was the one avoiding his eyes, embarrassed at her actions, or rather, her inaction. “I told her thing’s were complicated, and you know what she said?”

  
“What - what did Beatrice say?” Lucifer asked, hesitantly, and she rose her head, looking him in the eyes. Those eyes that were almost the same shade as her little monkey’s.

  
“She asked me if I had apologized to you.”

“She what?” Lucifer gaped. “Whatever for? You’ve done nothing wrong!”

  
While Chloe was touched at Lucifer’s defence of her, she had to correct him on it.

  
“That’s the thing, Lucifer, I really, really did.” Chloe told him, her eyes burning. She couldn’t help but let the guilt wash over her as she saw the genuine confusion in his eyes. He really had no idea the she had done something wrong. She, not for the first time, felt the strongest urge to find his Father and kick the crap out of him, and his Mother. But now that she knew who his Parents really were... well, she still wanted to do it. They had ruined Lucifer’s self-esteem and had abused him in multiple ways, leaving him a wreck that couldn’t understand the simple fact that Chloe had been a horrible person ignoring him for a month, letting him think she hated him and thinking that she thought he was a monster.

  
“Detective...” Lucifer whispered, shaking his head, “You’ve done nothing,”

  
“I abandoned you,” Chloe snapped, wincing when he flinched, looking at her with wide eyes. “I left you when you needed me, my support,” Chloe continued, voice gentle, trying to get Lucifer to understand her transgressions. “I let you think I was afraid of you, no - that I hated you, Lucifer. That isn’t ok, because it isn’t true.”

  
Lucifer grimaced, looking to the side. “But it is the truth, Detective,” He rasped, “I am the Devil, a monster, something humanity fears and reviles in equal measure - a torturer, and an evil being.”

  
“No!” She growled, striding up to Lucifer and grabbing him by the chin, heedless of his shocked inhalation and even wider eyes. “You are not a monster, and screw anybody who says you are; you’re not evil, you punish evil. That’s completely different.” Shaking his head slightly in her grip, she added, “You are a good man, Lucifer Morningstar, and if I have to spend the rest of my human life getting you to believe that, then I will do it - because your asshole Parents apparently can’t figure out what i real parent is if it walked up to them and punched them in the face; they messed you up, Lucifer, and I will do everything I can to show you that you are worthy of love, and you are a good man.”

  
Lucifer’s mouth was agape at her rant, eyes wide at the end, before his breath hitched, and tears spilled from his eyes. She hastened to move her grip from his chin to both arms around his shoulders as he fell forward into her chest, shoulders hitching with sobs as he broke down in her arms.

  
She used one hand to run her fingers through his hair, and the other rubbing his back, careful to keep her grip on him so that they both didn’t fall down.

  
She hooked her chin over his head, inhaling his scent; even after... somebody... knew how long with him not having a shower, she could still smell his unique scent, something citrusy and crisp, with hints of a smell she can only describe as warmth.

  
Whispering hushed comforting words in his hair, she clenched her eyes shut, trying to hold back her on tears, but failing. Her own tears spilled down her cheeks, but she made sure that her voice didn’t waver, still comforting him through her own tears.

  
It seemed like hours later when the sobs Lucifer had been letting out tempered down to the occasional sniffle, but she released him as he sat up from her arms, wiping his eyes with shaky hands.

  
“I’m so, so sorry, Lucifer.” Chloe rasped, voice scratchy from crying. “I shouldn’t have left you alone for so long.”

  
Lucifer looked ready to argue that she hadn’t done anything yet again, but she shot him a look and he smiled wryly. “Apology accepted, Chloe. Though I believe I also owe you an apology.”

  
“Lucifer-“ she protested, but her cut her off.

“I am sorry for not proving to you that I am who I am, you should have been informed before things got to where they are now.”

  
“It’s not like you haven’t been telling everyone who you are,” Chloe tried, but Lucifer scoffed, eyes still rimmed red, but rolling them.

  
“Knowing full well that you all would never believe my words without proof to prove them true. I could have shown you my Wings, Detective, or my eyes, even my Devil face. But I was...afraid that you would run. So I chose the cowards way out. That is on me, and nobody else. So many things could have been avoided if you had known the truth.”

Grimacing, Chloe nodded. “What’s done is done. All we can do no is move forward - no going backwards.”

  
“Does that mean... that you still want to be Partners?” Lucifer asked her, eyes hopeful.

  
Smiling, Chloe nodded again. “Of course. And Lucifer?”

  
“Yes Detective?”

  
“You are definitely taking a long sobriety break.”

  
“That, my dear Detective,” Lucifer chuckled with a pained wince, “We can both agree on. Not for that long, though, right?” He asked, looking worried, and she laughed.

  
Yeah, everything was going to be fine, eventually. They would get there. They would heal.

* * *


End file.
